Quote from journal entry, 10/8/08
'A new question is plaguing me...have I made the most of this opportunity? I am plagued with doubt.
Part of me thinks I could be trying harder - after all, I've had to work at some things very hard in the past. Perhaps I could have spent all my free time trying to learn Lao, and practising it, and making all sorts of friends, and not watching DVD's and other similar useless endeavours. But that thought makes me sick to the stomach - how could I have wasted the opportunity I was given?
But part of me thinks I have tried hard enough - this is really the largest challenge I have thrown myself. I have learnt a lot of things I never knew before, met people I would otherwise have never had the opportunity to meet, seen and done things I have never done before. My eyes have been thrown wide open. I have come closer to God, and I have had the chance to be involved in projects at work that I could have never dreamt of.
But it doesn't feel right to say I have tried hard enough if there are things I haven't achieved. Plus it feels like a complacent thing to say - if I've tried hard enough, then I don't need to do anymore, do I? But shouldn't I constantly be striving for challenge?'